Fifteen years ago today, I walked down the aisle and said, “I do,” yet today is not welcomed with “Happy Anniversary” cards, texts, or calls. We didn’t make it. We only made it a little over halfway, which means I have been divorced almost as long as I was married. For the last 7+ years, I have been filled with anger, frustration, sadness, and overwhelm. I have blamed and held on to a great deal of resentment. I have allowed the interactions with my ex-husband to spin me up and fill me with such intense rage that my body felt like it was on fire. I have done inner work to release these emotions. I have done energy healings to shift. In private, I have cried, punched, yelled, and hurled some of the most hateful words in his direction, but nothing has released me from the pain that has held me, prisoner.
The list of injustices and irate narratives are extensive, and I am ready to let it go. It is time for it to float up to the sun and burn off. Today I choose a new path acknowledging that while our marriage ended, it is not “The End” because our story continues, and I get to write it. The new chapter begins like this.
Our union brought our two exceptional children into this world. They were created in love and are raised with love. They are the thread that connects us and will continually remind us to show up as our best selves. Raising our children as co-parents is challenging, just as it would be if we had remained married. Regardless of our circumstances, our decisions regarding our children are grounded in their health, wellbeing, and happiness. To accomplish this, we assume positive intent with one another, listen to each other, and honor and respect one another, especially when our opinions differ. We recognize that our children are our focus and the core of all we do.
For years I have been telling myself that it doesn’t serve me to hold on to all the negative emotions because they interfere with my pursuit of happiness and a new romantic relationship. Today the words no longer swirl outside of me; instead, they reside in me. Today I feel them. They have settled deep in my soul and in my heart. Gratitude.
In marriage, I am grateful for
...the laughter, companionship, and love we shared.
...the support and encouragement we gave to one another.
In divorce, I am grateful for
…our ability to compromise even when we disagree
…the trust you extend to me daily with our children
…our cordial conversations
…our ability to bring different experiences and adventures to our children
I’m not pretending this mental, physical and emotional shift will be easy. There will be good days and not-so-good days, but I am committed to making the shift. Today is the beginning of a new chapter in MY life. June 9th will have a new meaning in the future. It is the day I commit to myself and my happiness.